17. The Pursuit of My Happiness

IMG_5199(old) H&M pancho | Forever 21 belt (worn as necklace) | Bare Minerals lip gloss in Starlet

After catching up with an old friend the other day, she said to me “you look really happy“.  I responded as simply and honestly as possible…” I am.” The conversation I had with Diana made me recognize the work I put in, in my pursuit of happiness.

I quit a job I once loved. The majority of my twenties were spent at Forever 21,  so naturally it was hard to leave. I learned so much in my time there, I made really great friends, and I was comfortable with my day-to-day routine.  But I knew I had to leave because…change is inevitable. And honestly in the end, I was so unhappy, I just wasn’t myself anymore. And as luck would have it, I landed a new job that’s rewarding, fun and challenging. It’s encouraged the old self to come out and shine.

I’ve accepted that perfection isn’t realistic. I’m a type A-ish person. I like things to be a particular way, I’m a backseat driver and it makes my husband crazy,  I write to-do lists then rewrite them to choose which list has the best penmanship. Notice the impracticality?  After living like this my whole life, I finally had an epiphany and realized that it just doesn’t make sense to invest so much energy into pursing perfection, when I could just pursue happiness (do my best in everything, just go with the flow, be spontaneous, and be thankful for what I have and the life I’m living).

I learned to allow myself to do things that make me happy. I used to be in the habit of saying no to things, even if they made me happy. I’d pass on dates with friends because I felt fat that day, I stopped blogging because I didn’t have new clothes to wear, I stopped painting because I wasn’t the best artist.  CRAZY…i know! But, I did those things! And to rid myself of this bad habit, I retrained myself to live in a place of yes, ala Bethany Frankel.  Truth be told, saying YES makes me happy.

I absolutely Love being happy.

It’s been a long road to this new found happiness and I’ve gotten lost many times, but I don’t regret a thing. And with a new decade  just around the corner,  I’ve made a promise to myself to continue living life in the pursuit of my happiness.

x, Carina


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